Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Does my love ever reach you?

Do you ever wonder if your friends and family that have passed on to the other side can feel/understand how much you miss and love them?
Background:
I woke up this morning (1 hour and 10 minutes after my alarm should have woken me up) from a dream about my Gram who passed away almost 4 years ago. After she passed away I used to wish that I would dream about her just to see her again but I didn't really start dreaming about her until her husband Rick passed away last year. Now when I do dream of her it makes it hard to move on and start my day. It just reminds me how much I miss her and wish that I could still spend time with her. She is definitely a person that I never conveyed my appreciation to and don't feel like I spent the time I could have with. She was sick for about 3 years before she died and there were many times that I feel like I should have made the time and gone home to see her. With the recent passing of my second Grandpa it definitely brings the feelings of all that we've lost closer to the surface.
I remember thinking after my Grandpa passed away that it was just too hard to care about all of these people and that it might be easier to not have so many people in my life but I quickly realized that:
1. I'm an idiot, and extremely naive
2. My life would have been very empty without these people that I care about, and that cared so much for me. Which is really a blessing that I can't be grateful enough for.
So that brings me to today, when I'm aching for the loss of that person are they getting the reverse, the positive feeling of having someone that cares so much for them? I really hope so and believe that they at least know how much I love and care for them still. On days like these I am happy to have a higher power to hand things over to.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandparents. =(

    We lost 3 grandparents and an aunt within just a few years of each other, and it is still tough sometimes. There are certain songs that reminded me of each person, and when they would come on, I'd have to change the station immediately. Now (about 8 years later) I can listen to the songs and think about them and smile a little. I often wonder what they'd think about different things that have happened, decisions I've made, accomplishments I've achieved, people who have entered my life. Sometimes I'll think of something or see something that I KNOW would have made one of them laugh. I definitely think they "see" what's going on and sometimes give little reminders that they're cheering us on. =)

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  2. Thanks! And it's so true. I know there are lots of things that Gram would love that I'm doing. Just sometimes it sucks :(

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